Pizza of Doom

The other night we were feeling a bit peckish and too tired to cook, and somehow we decided that getting a pizza delivered was a great idea. So we hopped on the Domino's website to try and figure out what to attempt to order, when up popped a promotional video for the "Cheese Fantasy" Quattro, an artery-clogging behemoth of a pizza, created by splicing the unholy essences of four pizzas into one grease-heavy deep-dish monstrosity.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "Cheese Fantasy":


One quarter bacon and tomato, one quarter chicken and artichoke, one quarter lobster and americaine sauce, and one quarter whipped cream and berries. One-hundred percent evil. We absolutely could not pass up the opportunity to purchase a pizza so ridiculous. Think of the blog post we could write, we said to ourselves.


But oh God, the grease. See how it pools ominously under the first lifted slice. Watch as it coats the fingertips with a thin, shiny film. There is so much cheese on this thing it might as well be German house music. Here's the kicker, though:


It comes with maple syrup. The Japanese do a lot of really good food, but boy do they know how to screw up a pizza. We felt ill.

I'm quite proud of the fact that I actually ordered this over the phone, though. Think about it for a second, and imagine trying to order a pizza in a language you barely speak, getting a delivery to an address you can't remember most of the time, and having the guy on the other end ask you things. It wasn't easy, but I can check that off the list. Most importantly, however, following this episode, we never have to eat the Cheese Fantasy Quattro ever again.